Holy hell. I don’t know if it’s post-election exhaustion or, more likely, my Perfectionism coming to the fore, but man, I put off writing all damn day. Thankfully, I had an hour that I was forced to sit away from a computer and do nothing, so I wrote longhand, or tried to write, and everything in my head was a constant battering of self-doubt:
“Do I start here?”
“Do I open with setting? What is the setting? What is the mood? What is going on here?”
“Maybe I need a writing prompt. But not that writing prompt. Okay, geez, I thought that writing prompt would work and now I don’t know what to do with it.”
“Do I scrap everything I wrote back in August and start over? Or do I try to make it work?”
“OMG, I suck and I cannot follow my own writing advice. How the hell can I teach people how to write when I hit Nanowrimo and I am a freaking mess?”
And then just as I start trying to actually write, the Evil Critic in the back of my head pops up to offer his charming insights:
“Wow, you really don’t know what you’re doing. You are such a hack. When you wrote other stories in this world, you had fun and now you’re struggling, so the earlier writing must have been inspired and you used it all up because now you’ve got nothing. Wow, this is terrible writing. Maybe you should go study some more because you clearly have no idea how to write detective fiction, so you are going to fail miserably. After all this time, all you’ve managed is 200 words? Such a loser…”
So, yeah. Despite the mental distractions, I managed to write one page of the novel today, which feels like a monumental victory.
As Scarlett O’Hara said, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully this was just the initial stuttering, like trying to start a car that’s been parked in a garage for years. Just needs a little bit of a jump to get going.
TOTALS SO FAR: 25″ & 298 words
Now that I got that out of my system, time to get to work.
The good news: yesterday’s words weren’t as bad as I thought. Not great, but not awful. So that’s a win.
Spent today going over what I wrote yesterday and then fitting that in with what I wrote back in August. Lots of smoothing things down and filling things out and trying to keep it all consistent.
The writing still feels awkward, but I’m making some progress. I’ll take it.
20″ 137 words
40″ 264 words
45″ 688 words
[for the day 105″ 1089 words]
TOTALS SO FAR: 130″ & 1387 words