Andi Winter

Writer, Reader, Tea Drinker, Chrononaut

It’s a start

Day 1

After trying four—count ’em FOUR—different story starter techniques, and spending entirely too much time on them, and just not feeling excited, interested, or even remotely positive about any of them, and then scribbling in my notebook “Or maybe I should just f*@#ing write?”, I saw in my mind’s eye a young woman sitting under a large tree on a hillside with a journal on her lap.

Um, okay.

So I spent the next fifteen minutes writing about her and what she was thinking and feeling.

Honestly? The writing felt pretty good, and I didn’t want to stop.

Hmm. There may be something to this radical concept of JUST WRITE.

Ahem.

We’ll see how this goes.

 

March is Writing Practice Month

“Make writing your practice . . . If you commit to it, it will take you deeper than Zen.” -Katagiri-roshi

calligraphy brushes

Back in May, I made a point of Mini Art Month, where I challenged myself to make some form of art (no matter how small) every day. I was having problems with facing the page (aka FEAR), so in typical fashion, I procrastinated. “I can get to that later. I’ll have time this afternoon. Or this evening. No problem!” However, even with the best of intentions, I wouldn’t get to it: I was too tired, too hungry, too bothered by kitchen disaster that called for FEMA (or at least a Haz Mat team), too distracted (Ooh! Mail!).

Since procrastination had not exactly been working as a fantastic productivity technique, I came up with a monthly challenge. The end result: I discovered that writing is my art/practice, that tiny, easily achievable goals are helpful, and that having a structure (daily practice) is hugely important. I felt like I had taken a good step forward with developing an art habit.

Then November was National Novel Writing Month, and I thought “This will get me writing every day!” And it did, only this time because there was a deadline (50,000 words by Nov. 30) and because there is no way to cram for that metaphorical exam. I finished the novel (and even had my first truly immersive experience in one of my fictional worlds) and felt like I had conquered my writing fears—after all, I blogged it! I was good to go!

Then there were the holidays, and snow, and more snow, and all the chaos that ensues in the Portland metro area when there is snow, and then the New Year, and more snow, and Life happened.

Somewhere in the midst of that, I managed to get the print edition of my forthcoming flash fiction collection finalized, most of the digital edition finished (so close!), finished & edited a novella, and wrote a novelette*. I guess that’s not bad in the grand scheme of things, but I’ve been feeling like I’m just not making any progress, and I have definitely not been writing every day. And since writing is what keeps me somewhat sane (that, and copious amounts of Tension Tamer Tea** and episodes of 1990’s TV comedies), it’s time to deal with that.

Since I apparently can’t retain previously learned lessons, I am making March “Writing Practice Month”. Which means writing*** every day for a minimum of 15 minutes, and the only requirement for success is to sit. At the ‘puter. For 15 minutes. Even if there are no new words written. Just showing up is all that matters.****

With that said, I will sit and post here daily***** (barring acts of Dental Gods, harrumph******).

This seems ridiculous to me, since I do manage to write, have written, and thought I had proved this to myself before. But, as I am slowly coming to understand, this is a neverending War with Fear.

So I say screw the Fear and do it anyway. The benefits way outweigh the doubts and fears.

To March!

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*Novella = 17,500-40,000 words; Novelette = 7,500-17,500 words. At least according to Wikipedia.

**Celestial Seasonings’ Tension Tamer Tea is a wondrous thing. Truly. It’s the best of the ‘calm down and chill the f@#! out’ teas I’ve tried. And I’ve tried a lot.

***Writing = putting new words down, preferably for a story, but non-fiction is fine, too.

****The first step to make any activity a habit. Gail Sher and a whole host of others recommend it, which is good enough for me.

*****Do or do not; there is no try. I was going to say “try to sit and post here daily” but Yoda’s voice echoes in my head. It starts to grate after awhile.

******Ah, the Dental Gods. At long last they will wreak their havoc with me, but I shall persevere and thrive. Especially with the aid of modern pharmaceuticals.

4 bullets to dodge

On my mind lately is this quote from Tim Ferriss’ Tools of Titans by Dr. Peter Attia:

If you’re over 40 and don’t smoke, there’s about a 70 to 80% chance you’ll die from one of four diseases: heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, cancer, or neurodegenerative disease.

The good doctor has done research at the National Cancer Institute on the role of regulatory T cells in cancer regression and other immune-based therapies for cancer. Oh, and he is a former ultra-endurance athlete, and got his MD from Stanford University, and his BSc in mechanical engineering and applied mathematics from Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. All of which to say is, he knows his stuff.

So to increase the chances of not dying from those four diseases, he suggests:

  • Eat healthy, exercise (high-intensity, heavy strength training) (for Heart Disease)
  • Eat healthy, exercise (high-intensity, heavy strength training), meditate (for Cerebrovascular Disease, aka stroke)
  • Avoid highly refined carbohydrates and sugars, fast once a week (one primary meal between a two hour window) (for Cancer)
  • Take low-dose lithium (below 150 mg) and meditate (for Neurodegenerative Disease, with Alzheimer’s dementia being one of the top ten causes of death in the U.S.)

The doctor argues that if you’ve made it to 40 years old, you’ve managed to not get hit by a car or do something really stupid to kill yourself. Now, it’s a matter of doing the work to be able to live long(er) and healthy.

Which apparently means eating less junk food, exercising more, fasting, meditating, and considering low-dose lithium.

Some things to think about.

I hate it when I know better

So that previous post—you know, the one about “Stay the Course” and not getting distracted? Yeah, I should read that. Every. Single. Day.

Gak.

Like all New Year’s resolutiony things, I had somewhat grand plans (quite modest, in my opinion, but still, in the grand scheme of things and in hindsight, perhaps a bit on the large side), and those plans got derailed as I ran into doubts and questions and “oh, I just need to research this ONE thing . . . ” And then the train literally, metaphorically, and absolutely ended up and over the rails, just as it was crossing the Great Ravine*.

Stay the Course. Right.

I am managing to keep up with The Daily Stoic readings, which has been good. More on that in upcoming posts.

So, this is the post of Deep Atonement. And a reminder to myself that I really should listen to, er, myself.**

 

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*I’m seeing that scene from Captain America: The First Avenger where the train is on the raised railroad, crossing the huge ravine somewhere in WWII-ravaged Europe, and Bucky is hanging on for dear life as Cap tries to save him . . .  Yeah, feeling like Bucky. And not the “Winter Soldier” kicking ass Bucky. Oh, no. The “oh my god I’m going to die because I’m dangling over an abyss” Bucky. Which is not good, because actually I want to be Captain America. No, nix that. I want to be Peggy Carter. That woman rocks.

And no, the train in Captain America doesn’t get derailed. For some reason, that’s what I remembered.

*And a bit of an Austin Powers moment there. Yeesh.

Stay the course

One of the things I decided to do with the new year was to work my way through The Daily Stoic, a daybook of Stoic concepts and practices. The headline for January 15 is “Peace is in staying the course”:

In Seneca’s essay on tranquility, he uses the Greek word euthymia, which he defines as “believing in yourself and trusting that you are on the right path, and not being in doubt by following the myriad footpaths of those wandering in every direction.” It is this state of mind, he says, that produces tranquility.

Which seems lovely and philosophical, but a little dense. A follow-up sentence hammered the meaning home:

Rather, it’s that we can rest assured we’re heading generally in the right direction—that we don’t need to constantly compare ourselves with other people or change our mind every three seconds based on new information*.

It’s that last part that is my Achilles’ heel. I stumble across a website or a blog or see a comment that leads me down a rabbit hole, and the next thing I know, I’m questioning my writing plan. The same plan that I spent so long working on and thinking through after researching it to the nth degree.

So of course even after reading that entry, I stumbled the next day and did just that. Down the rabbit hole, doubting myself and chasing after shiny butterflies. Until I hit a stopping point and realized how much time I had spent wandering, and not focused on my Work. Then I got back to Work and had a great writing run (two hours and 2700 words!)**.

Note to self: Stay the course. Have faith in yourself and Do the Work***.

What is your Work? What helps you stay the course?

 

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*Bold text emphasis is mine.

**This was after struggling to get my Butt in Chair and facing the fear of writing. My solution seems to be “write for 15 minutes”. You would think I’d have this licked by now, but no. It’s the eternal battle.

***I think this needs to be my new mantra.

Snow

Did I mention there was snow?

Footprints in snow

And more snow

At least it’s pretty. And quiet.

“Good”

I’ve been reading Tim Ferriss’ latest book Tools of Titans,* in which he distills key insights from the nearly two hundred people he has interviewed over the past two years for his podcast (if you haven’t listened, I highly recommend it).

An interview with retired Navy SEAL Commander Jocko Willink has changed the way I look at obstacles or frustrations: “Good.”

How do I deal with setbacks, failures, delays, defeat, or other disasters? I actually have a fairly simple way of dealing with these situations. There is one word to deal with all those situations, and that is “good” . . . when things are going bad, there’s going to be some good that will come from it.

  • Oh, mission got cancelled? Good. We can focus on another one.
  • Didn’t get the new high-speed gear we wanted? Good. We can keep it simple.
  • Didn’t get promoted? Good. More time to get better.
  • Didn’t get funded? Good. We own more of the company.
  • Didn’t get the job you wanted? Good. Go out, gain more experience, and build a better resume.
  • Got injured? Good. Needed a break from training.
  • Got tapped out? Good. It’s better to tap out in training than to tap out on the street.
  • Got beat? Good. We learned.
  • Unexpected problems? Good. We have the opportunity to figure out a solution.

That’s it. When things are going bad, don’t get all bummed out, don’t get startled, don’t get frustrated. No. Just look at the issue and say: “Good.”**

So many things lately have been frustrating to the point of maddening. Another snow storm? Freezing temperatures? More snow? Are you freaking kidding me?*** The proof I ordered for my flash fiction collection should have been delivered a week ago, but due to the icy roads and “winter weather events,” it still hasn’t arrived. Given the weather outlook, I’m guessing it may be sometime in February before I see the proof. Argh.

While my instant reaction is to get angry or depressed or want to hit something, when I can reframe it as “Good,” the situation immediately improves.****

  • More snow? Good. It is beautiful and our mountains could use more snow.
  • More ice? Good. It will help with the bugs for next summer.
  • Didn’t get the proof yet? Good. I can stay focused on creating the digital versions of the flash fiction collection.

Now, if I could just get “Good” to be my automatic reaction to frustrations . . .

What frustrating situations are you facing that could be “good” for you?

 

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*This book is amazing. Seriously. I’ll be writing more about it.

**Ferriss, Timothy. Tools of Titans. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016. Pages 640-641. The bold text is my emphasis.

***Living in the Pacific Northwest (heavy on the Pacific), winter is generally rain, showers, mist, and more rain. Occasionally there will be a snow fall maybe once a winter, and it may shut things down for a few days, but that’s it. So far we’re looking at four snow storms since December, including the massive ice storm over the weekend that had the Oregon State Police dealing with over 750 traffic accidents.

****Seems rather Stoic to me. Hmmm.

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a peaceful and playful New Year.

Snowy tiki torch

Snow on a tiki torch

Peace, love, and sparkling apple cider,
Andi

R.I.P. Carrie Fisher

I was five years old when I first saw the original Star Wars in a movie theater. I don’t remember much about it, other than the frantic drive with my family to get there, and I think we were a little late, and that it was cool. But it must have left enough of an impression because I started writing Star Wars fanfic at the age of seven. It was mostly dogfight scenes involving Rebellion fighter pilots communicating with each other as they fought Imperial fighters written in pencil on that elementary school paper with the top and bottom lines and dashed lines between them.

The Empire Strikes Back changed everything. I was eight years old and I loved that movie. We had the movie on a vinyl record—not the soundtrack, but the dialogue from the majority of the movie. My sister and I would play it over and over and over to the point where we had it memorized* and I could voice a fairly accurate Yoda. Not only that, but I thought if I could just get my hair long enough, I could wrap it in braids around my head like Leia did when she was on Hoth. I even got snow boots that looked like her boots from the movie.

Then there was Return of the Jedi. I got the novelization for a friend’s birthday present, and had to read it before I wrapped it and gave it to her (because I hadn’t actually seen the movie yet). While I was bummed that Leia didn’t get a bigger role in RotJ (and annoyed that they did the whole ‘slave girl’ thing, although she did kick ass with strangling Jabba *spoiler*), she was a Jedi (or at least had potential)! She had skillz!

Then in The Force Awakens we saw an older, more experienced Leia as a General. A General! Not a Princess, but a General. And still with an attitude.

But Carrie Fisher was more than that. I loved her in When Harry Met Sally, as well as her novel Postcards from the Edge, and her memoir Wishful Drinking. She was smart and funny and painfully honest about her mental health, and other, issues. No matter what life threw at her, she came through it with admirable wit.

She will be deeply missed.

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*Fun party trick: recite all the lines of The Empire Strikes Back to the amazement of your friends. Or until they start to get annoyed. I still can’t manage a Wookiee cry, though.

Nanowrimo Day 21 – the last day

It’s the final countdown . . .

Now that I had my characters in amusing trouble (got to have that last “whoops!” moment), it was time to make them work their way through it. There is nothing like a “Freaky Friday” scene to get characters engaged and to bring out their personalities! They solved their problem, everyone is more or less okay, and our hero and heroine are together at last, crossing the 50,000 word count mark. Woo hoo!

Writing the final scene felt triumphant and scary and frustrating and delightful. These were the last words for this first draft, and I wanted the story to end on an upbeat, happy note, so I spent more time fretting over the words and characters’ dialogue than I would normally, but at the same time I felt like I was riding a great wave and flying.

Reached 50,402 words and promptly uploaded them to the Nanowrimo website to have my word count validated, and with a click of a button—ta dah! Winner!

Now what?

Now I have a finished first draft of a novel, which is about the equivalent of an artist’s piece of marble or lump of clay. The next step is to refine it and make it better, more cohesive and consistent. (Like carving away the excess to reveal the sculpture.) It’s odd to have to finish a story to figure out what the story was about, and who the characters were. Knowing what I know now, I can go back through the novel and make corrections and changes to make it the book I envisioned. Once that is done, I will see about publishing it. When will all this happen? Sometime after the holidays (which will probably mean July).

Final thoughts

Thank you to everyone for your support and questions and encouragement. This was the first time I have blogged about my writing process (rather than just keeping a spreadsheet tally of time and words). Hopefully, it’s inspired others to give art a shot (any art—not just writing, but writing is good, and cheap to start).

Notes for the Future (aka Useful Things):

  • Have story/plot points to accomplish, esp. in 500 word increments
  • Place Butt in Chair, alone, with no noise or distractions
  • Writemonkey FTW (i.e. distraction-free writing software)
  • Have a concept/vision for the story
  • Borrow story frameworks from classic novels (particularly novels you love)
  • Create individual files for each day’s writing in addition to the one LARGE file of the entire work

Writing sessions today:

15″ – 330 words

50″ – 1333 words

35″ – 1057 words

Total novel writing time: 1445 minutes (24 hours 5 minutes)

Total novel word count: 50,402 words

 

 

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